toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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