Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
