Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
