It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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