I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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