my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
