just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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