I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
