Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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