I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
