Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
