i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
