u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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