I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
