Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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