I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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