so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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