i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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