I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
