At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
