I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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