i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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