Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize