i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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