I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I checked into jail on foursquare
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
