I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
