Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
