I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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