How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
