I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
