david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
