did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
