$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just cropdusted the office
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
