Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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