I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
