Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish there were birth control emojis
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
