I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
