I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
