I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
