I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
