i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Still dying that you shit outside
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
