Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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