I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
