dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am naked and annoyed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
