two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
