Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
