True but thats because hes a fetus.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
