the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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