So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
