where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
now i know why i became what i already was.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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