just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
