now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
