8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
