Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cockslap morals
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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