do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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