Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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