fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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