I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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