I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
