summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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