Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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