Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
