I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
