My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
