i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
