Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
