I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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