I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
