I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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