Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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