she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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