That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
