Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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