I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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