I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
