Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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