Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
