hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
