Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
