My pussy is not your playground.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize