Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Where is the hickey?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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