Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
